5 Things I Won’t Compromise On Now That I’m 40
“She raised her standards and life started to meet her there.”
~Tonya Leigh
The other day, I got to thinking about how I’ve shown up in each chapter of my life:
- In my teens, I was consumed with self-loathing.
- In my 20s, I was an eager people pleaser.
- In my 30s, I constantly prioritized other people (and things) over myself.
Sure, there are plenty of things that I am proud of too from each decade but as I grow into the next version of myself, I’ve had to get honest about where I need to level up.
I don’t know what it was but there was something about (nearing and) hitting 40 when I just felt like:
Yeah… I don’t have time for any of that any more (among many other things).
And that shift, my friends, is exactly what inspired today’s post.
Here are the 5 standards I simply won’t compromise on:
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1. I cut the crap on negative self-talk (and social media).
In this post, I shared my history with a poor self-image. Beating myself up constantly became exhausting until one day, I decided: no more.
But omphhhh, even in making that decision, I have to remember to make it again. Over and over. Every. Single. Day.
Phyllis (the name I gave my negative self-talk persona) loves to pop up and say some horribly mean things sometimes.
And when it happens, I simply:
- Notice it
- Take a deep breath with my hand on my heart
- Remind myself that it’s an old belief I am in the process of unlearning
- Repeat the new belief I choose instead
Am I perfect at it? No, but I’ve been committed to getting incrementally better every single day. Why? Because I no longer want to be at war with myself.
Through continual self-development, I am learning that I am worthy as I am even – though society loves to tell me otherwise. One of the biggest game changers in helping me shift my perspective was getting off of social media.
I’m not on the Tok. I’m not on the ‘gram. I’m not on the ‘book. Hell, I’m not even on LinkedIn.*
When I was, it’s like I was in a daze: the mindless scrolling. The constant comparisons. The assumptions I made about others and their lives. And worse, how I stacked up against them.
It was a lethal cocktail for my self-esteem.
Since being off, I don’t give a flying f*ck about what other people do, how they do it, where they do it, or whether I am doing it too.
There has been total freedom in no longer being a slave to my social feeds.
*The exceptions being Pinterest and YouTube.
2. I buy myself the damn flowers.
Within the past year, I’ve learned to make ordinary moments special – like listening to music while I cook or lighting candles for an evening bath (some might call this “romanticizing your life”).
For too long, I expected my husband to do nice things for me – like shower me with compliments or buy me flowers unexpectedly.
Then I realized: why don’t I do nice things for myself? Why don’t I compliment myself? Why don’t I get dressed up for myself?
Why don’t I just buy myself the damn flowers?
Here’s what I know: in life, we are born alone and we die alone. So, during that time in-between, why not borrow Oscar Wilde’s belief?
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Here here!
3. I make health & wellness my #1 priority.
TMI… but I’ve struggled with digestive issues (read: chronic constipation) most of my life. Feeling sluggish and bloated was my norm but that’s because my diet was in pretty poor shape. I snacked constantly (chips, cookies, you name it) and creamy pasta was always a feature dish in the house.
More than anything, I ate because I didn’t know how to cope with stress, triggers, or my emotions in general (which led to bouts of depression throughout most of my adulthood).
But all of that changed once I began consistently working with a mental health therapist (in the US) as well as health coach & holistic nutritionist, Chantal Di Donato, of Live Lean Health (here in Portugal).
Mental health
Through therapy, I learned to get to the root of my emotions (sooo many of which stemmed from unresolved childhood issues) and to just feel them – all of them – (as cliche as it sounds) rather than stuff them down with a sleeve of Oreos.
Daily journaling (in addition to therapy) quickly became my refuge — a place where I could unpack the often jumbled thoughts and feelings swirling around inside on any given day.
I loathe handwriting in a journal (I could never write fast enough to keep up with the speed of my thoughts; plus, I can’t read my own writing), so finding the Morning Pages app was a game changer.
By writing them out and seeing them for what they were, I could ask myself questions like, “huh, I wonder where this is coming from?” or “how can I respond to this trigger differently in the future?,” or “what do I need to tell my Little Me?,” which has been transformative.
Nutrition
With the help of my nutritionist, Chantal of Live Lean Health, my diet has undergone a transformation of its own. I’ve embraced daily green juices, green smoothies, a mostly vegan diet (I am not 100%, nor aspire to be), and I drink waaaaaay more water (novel, I know).
Nowadays, my digestion is the best it’s ever been and I feel fantastic (constipation no more!).
Fitness
Feeling great in my own body is equally attributed to moving it, intentionally, everyday – whether through daily walks with the dog, doing The Sculpt Society app, or heading to the gym.
It’s amazing what happened when I finally started taking loving care of myself.
4. Quality is my non-negotiable.
Bedding
For years, J and I slept on poor quality sheets. My 20s and early 30s were mired by bargain bedding, made from synthetic materials with low thread counts. Bleh!
Those days are loooong gone. Before we moved, my two favorite places to shop in the States were Parachute and Quince. Both produce bedding made from high-quality materials like linen and cotton, among others.
The cool feeling of these fibers on the skin always made jumping into bed a dream!
I love these percale sheets from Parachute as well as this linen duvet and these bamboo sheets from Quince.
AVIOTHIC TIP: If you’re a Chase Sapphire Reserve cardholder, Quince and Parachute often have promotions for cashback on purchases (even Brooklinen too. I haven’t purchased from them before but people I know who have and love their products).
Clothing & Accessories
Like my bedding, I want a wardrobe with longevity.
Too often, I’d buy fast fashion items that lasted only a few wears.
In this season of life, I’m all about quality over quantity. I’d rather have fewer, better items than many cheap ones. In fact, I’m in the process of curating a wardrobe I love, but I know it’ll take time.
Thankfully, I already own a few quality pieces I adore, including:
- Madewell leather jacket (olive)
- These Sandro dresses (here and here)
- Selina King gold statement earrings
- Elisa Solomon dainty gold necklace
- Velasca leather boots
- Chloe Marcie bag
There are still some things I’d like to round out my wardrobe with like a great pair of flare jeans (I love a 70s aesthetic), a silk button up, and a beautiful trench coat – among many others.
I’ll get there – one staple at a time.
5. I invest in personal development.
This past year, I’ve become a voracious reader again – reading books like these on repeat (among so many others):
- “Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod
- “Worthy Human: Because You Are the Problem & Solution” by Tracy Lit
- “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind & Create a New One” by Joe Dispenza
And I’m devouring podcasts like:
I’m a big fan of Tonya Leigh (creator of The School of Self-Image) and she said something (again) that’s really stuck with me as I’ve embarked on this personal development journey:
“Every choice you make in life is a vote – either for the woman you once were or the woman you want to become.” ~ Tonya Leigh
What are you no longer compromising on in your life?
xoxox
